"Would You Like Some "Hommos" With Your Shwarma?" Homosexual Life in Israel

This blogpost will explore the dynamics within the lives of homosexual citizens of Israel their family lifestyle in Israel. It will examine the different behaviors, feelings, and political aspects that come with being a homosexual citizen in Israel, and how life is according to the main sources on this topic, “The Israelis” by Donna Rosenthal, and “Conceiving Judaism: The Challenges of Same-Sex Parenthood” by Sybille Lustenburger.

Israel is one of the world’s holiest and most religious countries. It is one of the religious homes for Muslims, a holy and spiritual place for Christians, and the homeland for Jews and their most sacred sites, to name a few.  Generally speaking, the 21^st century has seen a major disconnect between religion and non-traditional lifestyles. For example, the fight in the United States for marriage equality and gender equality. In many of the world’s most dominant religions, homosexuality, as well as transgender and other groups of peoples who do not fit the heterosexual group, are looked down upon and condemned by the more observant and religious members of each religion.

This is not the case in Israel. Israel has one of the most tolerant and free governments and societies throughout the entire world. In 2012, Haaretz News reported a 2011 poll conducted by GayCities.Com and American Airlines which showed Tel Aviv as the best travel destination in the world forhomosexuals, an entire 29 percentage points ahead of one of the world’s hottest all around travel cites, New York.  

Many people have theories as to where the flexibility, social freedom, and societal acceptance come from. To be clear, Israel is a state that operates on the state religion, which is Judaism. Judaism does not condemn homosexuality, rather, prohibits sexual acts that are seen as untraditional, which in this case, would be same-sex acts. Yair Ettinger reported for Haaretz that, oddly enough, societal acceptance and support comes from the most unusual place in Israel; the group of Orthodox Rabbis, the spiritual leaders of Judaism. In an open letter to Israeli citizens, a group of Orthodox Rabbis urged citizens of Israel to accept and welcome their brothers and sisters, saying, “Although forbidden sexual relationships must not be permitted, there’s room for leniency in attitudes towards social inclusion and for accepting them into the community.”  

Israel's flag alongside Israel's unofficial "gay pride" flag

But just like a straight citizen, being a gay citizen comes with difficulties. Family life can be truly affected when a family member who is homosexual is thrown into the fray, regardless of whether it is in the United States, Israel, or whether it is Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. Homosexuality is not fully accepted everywhere, and it still has a long way to go to be understood. In Donna Rosenthal’s book entitled, “The Israelis,” Rosenthal documents different stories that can help non-Israelis see what Israeli life is like for Jews, Muslims and Christians living in Israel. In the chapter “Oy! Gay?”, Rosenthal explains an account of a middle-aged Jewish man name Shai, who is married to a woman, but is struggling to discover he is homosexual. Shai elaborates on the experience of telling his wife that he is gay, by saying “During an argument, I lost it. I snapped back, ‘You want therapy? Go find a therapy group for wives of homos.’ That word hit her like a bomb.” (Rosenthal 373) He continued onto to explain that he and his wife would separate, and he moved into his own apartment, and that they would not tell their families, out of fear that they would not understand or accept him. He even went as far as to say, “If my father found out, he’d sit shiva (mourn for the dead).” (Rosenthal 373)

In another account, Rosenthal describes a Muslim Arab Israeli citizen named Omar, who lives near Haifa. Omar recalled what it was like when his father found out about his sexual orientation, and it was not pretty. “When my father found out, he went crazy. He said he couldn’t accept that his only son would not marry, would not give him a grandson to carry on the family name. He yelled “Inta luti!” (You’re a homo!). Being called a luti is tantamount to being condemned to death. I had dishonored our family’s dignity.” (Rosenthal 373) In some circumstances, people must hide who they truly are and how they truly fear, out of fear of being abandoned or pushed aside by their families and friends.

However, not all circumstances in Israeli family life resemble Omar and Shai’s. When you join the army, the group of the army in which you enter becomes your second family. They are your brothers and sisters, and you protect and love one another with your lives. So, when the brother of Nurit, a young lady who Rosenthal documents, goes to the army as a homosexual man who has not come out to his family, he is easily accepted. Nurit tells Rosenthal, “’My brother was in much better shape than me. He was out to everyone in his unit and his commanders knew. They were totally supportive. Being gay doesn’t clash with being a good soldier, so gays are accepted. ‘” (Rosenthal 374) This differs greatly from the United States Military policy (until recently), where they were on a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. Israeli military officers don’t care; rather, they prefer to know so that they can create a safe and comfortable environment for soldiers that are risking their lives to protect the land of Israel. Rosenthal does not offer her opinion on homosexuals in Israel, rather, documents stories and scenarios from different homosexuals and their families to provide perspective to the readers.

A huge talking point within the debate of homosexuality is the legitimacy of children raised by same-sex couples. Are they legitimate children? In the case of the Jewish children raised by same-sex couples, are they legitimate Jews? How do we differentiate? Sibylle Lustenburger has the answer for that. In an analysis of Jewish Israeli life entitled, “Conceiving Judaism,” Lustenburger addresses many points on the topic of homosexuality amongst Israeli Jews. One of these topics is the topic of the children of same-sex partners and the legitimacy of the child within the Jewish community. According to Lustenburger, “According to Jewish Law, a child’s legitimacy does not depend on the marital status of the parents. In other words, children raised by same-sex couples are not necessarily halakhically illegitimate.” (Lustenburger 144) Lustenburger goes on to differentiate between a legitimate child and a “bastard” child, saying, “The Jewish concept of a mamzer (mamzerim, pl.) often translated as ‘bastard’, refers not to a child born out of wedlock but rather to a child conceived in a prohibited relationship, such as incest or several other categories. Furthermore, most Orthodox rabbis generally do not view reproductive technologies as illicitly tampering with nature; instead, they see them as a remedy approved by God against childlessness (Wahrman 2002: 14-16).” (Lustenburger 144) Lustenburger then tells readers about how same-sex partners have legitimate children in the eyes of Judaism. “None of the numerous rabbinic texts on reproductive technologies addresses same-sex parenthood. Since gay and lesbian relationships are not recognized, same-sex parenthood simply does not exist in the rabbinic imagination.” (Lustenburger 144) This being said, the traditional laws for determining the religion of the child applies, which would be the method of conception, the religion of the child’s biological parents, along with many other rules.  Like Rosenthal, Lustenburger seems to only provide information to readers, rather than explicitly express personal opinions on the topic.

All throughout Israel, across the many different religions, nationalities, ethnicities, and cultures, there are many mixed feelings about homosexuality. Many Israelis are accepting and supportive of homosexuals, whereas many Israelis are unaccepting and condemn homosexuality. Many accept others being homosexual, but are not ok with their own family being homosexual. The only thing that is clear is that homosexuality is accepted by the state of Israel, and that homosexuals have a safe, friendly, and beautiful environment to enjoy when it comes to Israel and its cities.